No Worries, it's Under Control

From an article on espn.go.com about the ovation that 25-year old Cincinnati Reds outfielder Josh Hamilton was given before his first career at-bat:

In that moment, he hadn't done anything yet as a major leaguer. His at-bat in the eighth inning of the Cincinnati Reds' 5-1 victory over the Chicago Cubs on Monday was the first of his career.

It's what he had already accomplished in his personal life -- getting his cocaine addiction under control, getting his life back on track -- that made the crowd of 42,720 stand and cheer.

What the hell is "under control" with regard to a coke addiction? I mean, I've got my porn addiction "under control" but I'd hate to get tested at work to see if there was any masturbation in my bloodstream.

Who's a Good Boy?

Few things are as consistently awful as transit advertising.

I think it's sad that an ad like this is necessary. I'd like to think that people can look at dogs with epilepsy and not say "look, an epileptic!" Guess again, asshole - he's a dog, who happens to have epilepsy. What he has, not who he is. Read the ad.

Sunday Morning Triple Threat (Grape)

Woke up early with a really faint hangover today. Luckily, I invented a remedy a few years back. Today's hangover is no match for it.

Start with your electrolytes. Grape and Fruit Punch are great but you can be creative.



Add stomach-soothing ginger and fizz.



Mix. This is the step I invented; nobody had ever done that before. Adjust the levels to taste.



Drink some coffee (separately from the Gator Ale. They don't mix well).



That's about it. Drink the beverages, eat a sandwich involving bacon, have a BM to complete the recovery process, and enjoy the rest of the day.

Max Gordon

Could a corner BE any more Gordon than this one? No ma'am. This is the max.